Guilt Grooming / Author: anonymous

This young woman who has shared her story with me is a remarkable, courageous young woman with a message no parent should ignore….

Her story:

As we enter the age of technology at our fingertips, we can access and connect with others in easier ways than ever before.
Unfortunately, that comes with the downside of our most vulnerable being connected with exploiters.

I am 22 now and when me and my friends were teenagers; we were in our technological prime. Something many people our age have experienced is something I call "Guilt grooming". It is when a grown man uses a young person as their personal therapist and guilts then into continuing conversation and communication, often involving physical interaction. This could include self-harm and suicide threats.Since the young person has developed and has a strong sense of empathy, they are drawn to, and have a compulsive need to protect the person.

However, they do not have the necessary mental capabilities to understand that this is a form of manipulation and is harmful and toxic to themselves. They are still developing children.

When I was 15, I spoke to someone online through gaming and developed a friendship. He was 27, and I wanted to be there for him because I craved a father figure. I became his therapist of sorts. He would tell me everything, things that a 15-year-old shouldn't hear. This person would send me pictures of his fresh self-harm scars because 'I didn't reply to him last night' (while I was asleep for school) and said I made him do it. 'I needed you yesterday — now look how badly I hurt myself' was a common phrase. He often told me he was going to end his life and I would deprive myself of sleep, staying up trying to convince him to stay alive. Several times he said the only way I could save him was to send him explicit pictures. He was incredibly articulate and managed to manipulate my young mind. At first, I refused, and he would say things like; "I hope you're happy knowing you're killing someone. All you had to do was send those pictures but you're too selfish" — a 27-year-old grown man to a 15-year-old. Those words damaged me. I felt at 15 I was responsible for this grown man’s life and if I did anything wrong, I would be a horrible human for being responsible for him hurting himself. "It’s all my fault, if I just…".

Eventually, I managed to cut all contact with this person. But the trauma he caused me continues to impact my life. I started self-harming as I believed it was the correct response for 'letting them down' and that I needed to punish myself in the same way they hurt themselves.

I have countless other stories from my friends. They tell of late nights spent convincing men 10 to 50 years older than them to stay alive and feeling obligated to send pictures to 'save their lives'.

Knowing what I know now, I would absolutely have reached out to an adult. But I was so deep in the manipulation wormhole I believed that I'd just cause further harm.THIS is why education on grooming is so important.

This applies to all genders too. No matter gender or sexuality.

Older people have no business discussing these types of things with teenagers and children. Leave them to develop on their own. Speak to a therapist, not to a vulnerable, emotionally underdeveloped teen. And never, ever guilt them into sending explicit pictures. THEY ARE CHILDREN.

And for people that have gone through this themselves, therapy helps immensely. You did not deserve this. They were a predator, and you were a child.

My message to parents is this:

Please speak with your children about 'guilt grooming'. They need the resources to recognise the signs.