A Real Talk about Porn

This blog contains a real life example of a chat you can have with your child when introducing the subject of porn.

Why do I need to prepare my child for exposure to porn, and how do I even begin?

This is a question I am frequently asked when speaking with a parent, and there is no simple answer. My response is to explain precisely how I’ve addressed this with my son.

Sadly, porn exposure is inevitable. It’s a matter of when, not if.

When my son was 6 years old, I read “Where did I come from” to him. This book takes a very direct approach to sex and how babies are made, but I felt he was ready as we’d done so much protective behaviour education together. I’ve read it with him several times, and will continue to do so. What I noticed when I read it to him the first time was that he simply absorbed it as factual information.

On every occasion I read him a book on ‘body safety', I use the opportunity to have a little chat. When he turned 7, I introduced the word porn into the chat. I was reading him a Safe4Kids book by Holly-ann Martin “Hayden-Reece Learns What To Do if Children See Private Pictures or Private Movies” and simply said that private photos or videos on the internet are called porn.

Here’s how it went:

👩 “You know how I’ve told you why I’m careful when you are on the computer because I don’t want you to see something that may be scary or confusing? Well, people put naked videos or photos on the internet of people having sex or showing their private parts. It’s called porn. But it’s not sex because often they are hurting each other, and that’s not what happens in real life. It can be very confusing or upsetting to see.

I’m telling you about this because in a few years you may have some kids in the playground talk about porn and I want you to understand what they are talking about.”

What do you think you’d do if you saw something on a computer?”

👦 “I’d close my eyes and turn it off”

👩 “That’s right, well done. You should also tell a teacher if it happens at school, or a safe adult if it happens at home so they can help you understand what you saw. Remember, it would never be your fault.”

👦 “Ok, but I’m confused. Is it real what’s on the internet?”

👩 “There are things on the internet that have been filmed in real life, and there are things on the internet that are pretend, like in the movies. If you’re ever unsure, you can ask me, ok?”

👦 “Ok Mummy, I feel good that we had this talk,” (heart melting moment)